Learn more about resources that can help

Learn more.

At The Advocates, we are here for you.  You can call us any time of day or night to talk, to learn more, or to get help when you need it.  The checklists and resources below are a good place to start if you are not ready to call us.

Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet usage might be monitored, call us at 208-788-6070 OR TOLL FREE 888-676-0066.

HELPFUL INFORMATION

Intimate Partner Violence is about control, possession, and manipulation. It can be very hard to tell at the start of a relationship if it will become abusive. In fact, many abusers are very charming and loving at the beginning. And your partner doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abuse. Forcing you to have sex without birth control, taking away your money, excessive jealousy – these are all forms of abuse.

It can happen to anyone regardless of race, ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, religion, education, or gender.
Not sure if you are in an abusive relationship?

• Is your partner routinely critical, hostile, or angry with you, your family and your friends?
• Do your partner’s needs always come before your own needs?
• Does your partner ignore or minimize your feelings and/or opinions?
• Is your partner’s anger unpredictable, causing you to “walk on egg shells”?
• Does your partner routinely accuse you of flirting or being unfaithful?
• Does your partner blame you for their own abusive behavior?
• Does your partner limit your access to, or withhold money and/or credit cards?
• Does your partner pressure you sexually?
• Does your partner refuse to use birth control, or to let you use it?
• Does your partner display excessive jealousy?
• Does your partner criticize or belittle the way you act, dress or respond?
• Does your partner make all decisions for the family/relationship?
• Does your partner use technology (texts, Facebook, etc.) to keep track of where you are and who you talk to?
• Does your partner restrain, push, hit or choke you? Or touch you in a hurtful or uncomfortable way?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship:
• Contact The Advocates at 208-788-6070.
• Talk to someone you trust.
• Develop a safety plan.

Here are some basic things to keep in mind if you are concerned someone you know is in an abusive relationship. If the person you are worried about if your teen or a coworker, call us, or visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline for additional tips and resources.

• Acknowledge that they are in a very difficult and scary situation, be supportive and listen. Let them know that the abuse is not their fault, that they are not alone, and that there is help out there. It may be difficult for them to talk about the abuse. Let them know that you are available to help whenever they may need it. What they need most is someone who will believe and listen.

• Be non-judgmental. Respect your friend or family member’s decisions. There are many reasons why victims stay in abusive relationships. They may leave and return to the relationship many times. Do not criticize their decisions or try to guilt them. They will need your support even more during those times.

• If they end the relationship, continue to be supportive of them. Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend or family member may still feel sad and lonely once it is over. They will need time to mourn the loss of the relationship and will especially need your support at that time.

• Encourage them to participate in activities outside of the relationship with friends and family. Support is critical and the more they feel supported by people who care for them, the easier it will be for them to take the steps necessary to get and stay safe away from their abusive partner. Remember that you can call The Advocates (208-788-6070) to find local support groups and information on staying safe.

• Help them develop a safety plan. Check out our information on creating a safety plan for wherever they are in their relationship — whether they’re choosing to stay, preparing to leave, or have already left.

• Encourage them to talk to people who can provide help and guidance. At the Advocates, we can provide shelter, counseling, support groups – or just a good ear. Offer to go with them. If they have to go to the police, court or lawyer’s office, offer to go along for moral support.

• Remember that you cannot “rescue” them. Although it is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt, ultimately they are the one who has to make the decisions about what they want to do. It’s important for you to support them no matter what they decide, and help them find a way to safety and peace.

What happened is not your fault. You didn’t ask for it by wearing a sexy outfit, having too many drinks, or talking to your ex. It doesn’t matter that you are in a relationship with your attacker, if they are your ex, or if it was a stranger. Even if you have said yes to sex or sexual touch in the past, what happened to you is wrong.

Anyone may be a victim of rape: women, men or children; straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.

RAINN – the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network – is the best resource around for information on these issues. Please visit them to learn more about the difference between rape and assault, what to expect if you choose to report an assault, the steps you should take to preserve evidence, and more. And remember, we are always here for you – to talk, to provide support if you go to the hospital or police. Call us at 208-788-6070.

GREAT RESOURCES

Rape, Assault, and Incest National Network  Works to prevent sexual violence, help victims and ensure that rapists are brought to justice.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline  A link to safety for women, men, children and families affected by domestic violence.
Idaho Legal Aid Services  A non-profit Idaho law firm and community education organization.
Community United Against Violence  Building the power of LGBTQQ  communities to transform violence and oppression.
End Stalking in America

We are always here for you – to talk, to provide support at the hospital or police station, and to advocate for you. Call us at 208-788-6070 or toll free 888-676-0066. We are here every day of the year, 24 hours a day..